Can you imagine not having a lip or the roof of your mouth and trying to eat? Well that is what our cleft babies are faced with. I am never one to sugar coat things, so I would be lying to you if I didn’t say Colton’s first 2 months of his life were the most challenging of mine. Its ok to be jealous of other moms who are able to breast-feed and you can sit and relax while feeding their baby, while every feed feels so difficult and a workout for the two of you. I remember asking myself, “Why is everything have to be so hard for us?” I would sit and watch my girlfriends surf Facebook with their free hand, while feeding their babies, while I had to listen carefully to Colton’s breathing and swallowing to ensure that I was squeezing the milk and not choking him. I remember thinking that I wish Colton was my first, because I wouldn’t have known how easy it was to breast feed my oldest. It is challenging, but not impossible and there are some great tricks that made a huge difference for us.
As I mentioned before, Colton struggled for a long time to gain weight, he was burning more calories eating then he was getting. From day one we were told by the Cleft team from Boston Children’s to use the Heberman Bottle, so I can only speak to my experience with that bottle, but I am aware there are many other ways to feed a cleft baby. The Heberman bottle allows me to squeeze the milk into his mouth, as they are unable to suck milk themselves. One of the challenges is getting in a rhythm with the baby where when they are swallowing the milk, you are not squeezing more milk, as this can make them cough, choke, and unable to properly swallow. It only takes time and experience to be able to listen to your baby and hear them “suck, swallow, breath” and get in a good rhythm.
In the beginning, Colton was getting so much air when he drank he would get too full or have a bubble that wouldn’t allow him to drink more milk. After multiple phone calls and emails to the cleft nurse at Boston Children’s, I learned that simple tricks of sitting him upright when feeding helped with the air and placing one of your fingers under their chin when feeding, gives them more support to swallow better. Gently pushing your pinkie finger up under their chin allows the tongue to not have to work as hard and take in the milk with using fewer calories. Who would have know that the tongue could burn so many calories, but the chin support made a world of difference, as he started to gain weight when we added this technique.
We went to our pediatricians every 4 days to weight him and had to move up to a 24-calorie diet, which at the time I didn’t even know was possible! Regular breast milk and formula are about 20 calories per ounce, and if you add a small amount of formula to the breast milk you are able to increase the calories, but of course it has to be a regulated as it can also effect their digestive system, but there are many options to try before a baby needs to be placed on a feeding tube.
Even with chin support and sitting upright, your baby will still swallow so much air, and burping them is very important. You will feel like half of your day is spent burping, but it will only make them more comfortable and want to eat more. There were feeds that he would not burp and just scream or would just fall right asleep when I started to burp him, when he needed more ounces. I would start to get frustrated and in order to distract myself from the feeling of defeat or frustration; I started to play audio books on my phone. I missed reading and had no energy to pick up a book anymore, but also because in those heated moments of wanting to just give up, I would re-direct my attention to the audio book and keep burping. The other helpful hint I learned when he would start to fall asleep when I burped him and he needed to eat more was babies like to be tapped, but when you would rub their backs in a circle motion, it helps get the air up, but not put them to sleep with the tapping. It seemed to keep him awake to get those few extra ounces in, which are so important for little guys.
I can’t help but smile when writing this post, as Colton is now 21 pounds, is 83% for weight and 90% for height, he is 7 months old and in 18 month clothes, so ladies there is hope, don’t give up, and don’t be afraid to ask “what else could I be doing?”
Parenting
Monitoring our Babies
From the moment you discover you are pregnant there are 1,000s of apps and website to track your babies growth, not to mention the detailed ultrasounds that can show and detect any issues or abnormalities of your baby.
Once your bundle of joy is born, there are many apps to help you track and monitor your baby sleep, feeding and diaper changes. We have video baby monitors as well as technology that can measure the babies breathing patterns at night and alter you if the baby stops breathing. One must ask, what kind of parents does all this “monitoring” make us?
I consider myself an easy going mother, and I did track my sons feedings and naps on APP called Baby Log. I found the monitoring of my babies day to be more insightful than anything and helped build my confidence that I was creating a schedule that was working for both him and I. I also found this information and App helpful as I chose to sleep train my son and found these apps to help me with the training process.
Technology has taken it one step further with products like Sproutling, Owlet, and Mim, these tracking devices attached to a babies bootie, ankle or onesie to report breathing patters and temperature and baby position. The idea is with all of this data collection, you can change things within the day to make a happier baby, and we all know a happy baby = happy wife, and a happy wife means a happy life.
The overwhelming information on SIDS, and it has caused first time parents to be over protective of their newborns, which isn’t a bad thing, but I think our mothers roll their eyes when they hear about us using thing like the “Angle Care Monitor” or tracking poops on an APP.
What will be interesting is when my second baby comes in just under 1 month, will I have the same nervousness or will it be like riding a bike and I will just get right back to where I left off, since it has been only 20 months since my first 🙂
A New Prospective For Us Mom’s
How many times have you questioned what you are doing as a mom, and thought about all the things you need to do better and differently to help your children?
This video gives us Moms a new prospective on how we think we are doing as mom’s VS. what our children think about us.
Remember to remind yourselves no one is perfect and at the end of the day all your kid needs is love and all they feel for you is love.
Our Crazy Lives
Parents Magazine did a poll asking moms what game reminds them of their life and 33% responded with Twister, which is better than RISK or SORRY :). 71% of moms also have stress related headaches a few times a month. So what can we do as Moms to make our lives less stressful and less complex? In 2013 you would think there would be some APP or some technology to make our lives run more smoothly, but lets be honest, we aren’t The Jetsons and don’t have Rosie the maid to help us with everything, so what little things can we do to make our days go a bit more easier?
I have made a list of some things I do as well as advice from other moms:
-Automate Everything: I automate diaper and wipe shipment so I am never running out and stressed being out of diapers.AMAZON MOM gives you 15% discount on items you order every month, and who doesn’t love that
– Get Help: I made the financial and emotional decision to higher cleaning people as it saves me an entire saturday or trying to clean while my toddler dumps out snacks as I clean, this has given me time to relax and enjoy family time on the weekends
– Rise and Shine: Getting up 20 minutes earlier gives me a little “me” time to take a shower and brush my teeth without having to watch over kids
– Use Technology to Your Advantage: Write a do to list in your phone or whatever device is with you all the time. Use location-based reminder apps. These apps, like Checkmark, chirp out an alert when you’re near a designated location, reminding you to do something. For example, you can set a reminder that alerts you the next time you’re in Target to buy milk, or the next time you’re near a post office to buy stamps.
– Use your lunch time to your advantage: I use this time to plan meals and or grocery shop
Most importantly the best stress relief is to have time for yourself. Your partner can survive with the kids for 1 hours for you to go workout, get your nails done or take a long bath, so do your best to make time for yourself at least once a week.
My Love/Hate Relationship with Daycare
Any mom who has had a child in day care for over a year knows the feeling of a love/hate relationship with day care. We love it because it is an amazing/safe place for our children to be while we are at work, where they can socialize with other children and other adults and learn songs we have never even heard of.
Even as early as 6 months, babies can interact with other children. According to Parents Magazine “Children may single out another baby who appeals to them and smile back and forth, almost as if the other child is a favorite toy. Babies begin to understand the concept of interaction — the idea that you do this, I do that, you do this, I do that.”
Studies have shown that children who attend a pre-school are much more prepared for kindergarten and create good learning habits and positive self-esteem.”There’s increasing evidence that children gain a lot from going to preschool,” says Parents advisor Kathleen McCartney, PhD, dean of Harvard Graduate School of Education, in Cambridge, Massachusetts. “At preschool, they become exposed to numbers, letters, and shapes. And, more important, they learn how to socialize — get along with other children, share, contribute to circle time.”Statistics show that a majority of kids attend at least one year of preschool: According to the National Institute for Early Education Research (NIEER), more than two-thirds of 4-year-olds and more than 40 percent of 3-year-olds were enrolled in a preschool in 2005. “Children who attend high-quality preschool enter kindergarten with better pre-reading skills, richer vocabularies, and stronger basic math skills than those who do not,” says NIEER director W. Steven Barnett, PhD.
So you ask what is the hate part of the relationship, well when your child has had every cold, virus, ear infection from the germs at daycare it is a hard one to swallow. You will get a call that another child has bitten your child or hit your child with a toy across the face, but I guess that is what the expects are saying about early social interaction. The daycare sends home a daily note with naps, activities and eating/diaper schedule, and I have no idea how they get my son to nap from 12:40-2:40 every day as he needs a power nap at 10:00 and 1 hour nap at 1:00 on the weekends, can we really trust those sheets? Is my 13 month old really doing art and doing science? I always get nervous when another kids cups and spoons are sent home with my son, are they just sharing germs more than we think? Overall, I have been very happy and lucky with our daycare, but it is hard as a mom not to criticize when you are paying a second mortgage for your child to be at the school and as moms it is hard to think anyone can do it better than you.
The Harmful Digital Footprint for Our Children
Most of us are guilty of posting pictures of our children on Facebook and Instagram, and how could you resist they are too cute not to share? Most of us have moved away from friends and family and the best way to share pictures of our children are through these social media sites, but do we really know the harm we are causing by posting pictures of our children?
I dont think we know the impact these photos could have on our kids future, as they are the first generation growing up in the digital age. As we all know teenage years are the worst, and will some bully search and find pictures of our children in the bath tub that we posted on Facebook 10 years prior and use them to tease our children? Will these pictures be researched by colleges or prep-schools?
I dont know these answers, and it may sound a bit paranoid, but the question must be asked, What impact will the digital footprint we are leaving have on our children’s future?
As someone in the IT world there are so many ways that hackers and companies can use facial recognition for whatever means they choose and could be use to target our children.
Again, I am a parent that shares pictures of my children via Facebook because I have relatives all over the country and it is so easy to share pictures with them, but I think as parents we should stop and think before we post silly and any nude pictures of our children on social media.
As are children get older and they have their own Facebook pages or whatever the new Facebook will be at that time, it is our jobs as parents to explain the impact these photos could have on college acceptance or job applications. I know that my company immediately looks at a candidate Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin pages to gain insight into who they really are.
Lets remember that it isnt about us and what we think is cute, it should be about our children and their future.
To Work or Not to Work…That is the Question.
All moms are faced with the same difficult question, do I go back to work after maternity leave or do I stay at home? I believe that every woman and every household is very different to determine the answer to that question. Some woman love the rush and feeling of being back at work; socializing with co-workers, the pace of work, the business lingo, and contributing to the household bottom dollar. NY times just came out with an article interviewing women who made the choice to leave work and then the struggle of coming back to the work force: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/11/magazine/the-opt-out-generation-wants-back-in.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&ref=magazine
This is a great article for all mom’s out their if you are staying at home or working and no matter what choice you make; we as moms should support and be proud of working moms or stay at home moms. At the end of the day we are all doing what is best for our kids and our family.
Maggie's Memos 