Can you imagine not having a lip or the roof of your mouth and trying to eat? Well that is what our cleft babies are faced with. I am never one to sugar coat things, so I would be lying to you if I didn’t say Colton’s first 2 months of his life were the most challenging of mine. Its ok to be jealous of other moms who are able to breast-feed and you can sit and relax while feeding their baby, while every feed feels so difficult and a workout for the two of you. I remember asking myself, “Why is everything have to be so hard for us?” I would sit and watch my girlfriends surf Facebook with their free hand, while feeding their babies, while I had to listen carefully to Colton’s breathing and swallowing to ensure that I was squeezing the milk and not choking him. I remember thinking that I wish Colton was my first, because I wouldn’t have known how easy it was to breast feed my oldest. It is challenging, but not impossible and there are some great tricks that made a huge difference for us.
As I mentioned before, Colton struggled for a long time to gain weight, he was burning more calories eating then he was getting. From day one we were told by the Cleft team from Boston Children’s to use the Heberman Bottle, so I can only speak to my experience with that bottle, but I am aware there are many other ways to feed a cleft baby. The Heberman bottle allows me to squeeze the milk into his mouth, as they are unable to suck milk themselves. One of the challenges is getting in a rhythm with the baby where when they are swallowing the milk, you are not squeezing more milk, as this can make them cough, choke, and unable to properly swallow. It only takes time and experience to be able to listen to your baby and hear them “suck, swallow, breath” and get in a good rhythm.
In the beginning, Colton was getting so much air when he drank he would get too full or have a bubble that wouldn’t allow him to drink more milk. After multiple phone calls and emails to the cleft nurse at Boston Children’s, I learned that simple tricks of sitting him upright when feeding helped with the air and placing one of your fingers under their chin when feeding, gives them more support to swallow better. Gently pushing your pinkie finger up under their chin allows the tongue to not have to work as hard and take in the milk with using fewer calories. Who would have know that the tongue could burn so many calories, but the chin support made a world of difference, as he started to gain weight when we added this technique.
We went to our pediatricians every 4 days to weight him and had to move up to a 24-calorie diet, which at the time I didn’t even know was possible! Regular breast milk and formula are about 20 calories per ounce, and if you add a small amount of formula to the breast milk you are able to increase the calories, but of course it has to be a regulated as it can also effect their digestive system, but there are many options to try before a baby needs to be placed on a feeding tube.
Even with chin support and sitting upright, your baby will still swallow so much air, and burping them is very important. You will feel like half of your day is spent burping, but it will only make them more comfortable and want to eat more. There were feeds that he would not burp and just scream or would just fall right asleep when I started to burp him, when he needed more ounces. I would start to get frustrated and in order to distract myself from the feeling of defeat or frustration; I started to play audio books on my phone. I missed reading and had no energy to pick up a book anymore, but also because in those heated moments of wanting to just give up, I would re-direct my attention to the audio book and keep burping. The other helpful hint I learned when he would start to fall asleep when I burped him and he needed to eat more was babies like to be tapped, but when you would rub their backs in a circle motion, it helps get the air up, but not put them to sleep with the tapping. It seemed to keep him awake to get those few extra ounces in, which are so important for little guys.
I can’t help but smile when writing this post, as Colton is now 21 pounds, is 83% for weight and 90% for height, he is 7 months old and in 18 month clothes, so ladies there is hope, don’t give up, and don’t be afraid to ask “what else could I be doing?”
motherhood
Monitoring our Babies
From the moment you discover you are pregnant there are 1,000s of apps and website to track your babies growth, not to mention the detailed ultrasounds that can show and detect any issues or abnormalities of your baby.
Once your bundle of joy is born, there are many apps to help you track and monitor your baby sleep, feeding and diaper changes. We have video baby monitors as well as technology that can measure the babies breathing patterns at night and alter you if the baby stops breathing. One must ask, what kind of parents does all this “monitoring” make us?
I consider myself an easy going mother, and I did track my sons feedings and naps on APP called Baby Log. I found the monitoring of my babies day to be more insightful than anything and helped build my confidence that I was creating a schedule that was working for both him and I. I also found this information and App helpful as I chose to sleep train my son and found these apps to help me with the training process.
Technology has taken it one step further with products like Sproutling, Owlet, and Mim, these tracking devices attached to a babies bootie, ankle or onesie to report breathing patters and temperature and baby position. The idea is with all of this data collection, you can change things within the day to make a happier baby, and we all know a happy baby = happy wife, and a happy wife means a happy life.
The overwhelming information on SIDS, and it has caused first time parents to be over protective of their newborns, which isn’t a bad thing, but I think our mothers roll their eyes when they hear about us using thing like the “Angle Care Monitor” or tracking poops on an APP.
What will be interesting is when my second baby comes in just under 1 month, will I have the same nervousness or will it be like riding a bike and I will just get right back to where I left off, since it has been only 20 months since my first 🙂
Things Never to Say to a Working Mom
http://proudworkingmom.com/top-things-never-say-working-mom/
Proud Working Mom put together a list of 13 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom that is too good not to share:
“I saw your kid on the class trip today. She was crying – I think she missed you.” Thanks, I feel much better for the information. Anything else you would like to tell me, like about how you think she might not be meeting her milestones, or will be emotionally damaged for life?
“I could never let someone else raise my kids.” Yes, I let others make all the decisions for my children. I have little to do with anything…their parent teacher conferences, birthday parties, homework, doctor appointments, playdates, or offering any sort of parental guidance. Heck, I don’t even hug and kiss them, cuddle them, or have any part in tucking them into bed. I am never the first face they see in the morning, and I never do anything fun with them like have picnics on our carpet, or watching the same animated movie 100 times. And, I never ask them about their day. Nope, I have nothing to do with my children.
“I don’t know how you do it. I’d feel too guilty.” So….I wrote an entire book about this. We do feel guilty, but we can feel great too. (Buy my book- that was a shameless plug, I know)
“You trust your babysitter, right?” Oh no, I actually never considered her/his credentials. I just put out a job post on craigslist and took the very first applicant based on price. But thanks for making me suspicious!
“Good for you for putting your career first!” Yes, every single day I get up and I think to myself: The most important thing in my life is my career. To hell with my family, that has nothing to do with why I work.
“I’d give anything to get away from my kids for an entire day.” If you really mean this, send me your resume and I can help you out. But remember, this “freedom” comes with its own issues. We are not getting away and going to the spa. It is called “work” for a reason.
“I’d miss my child too much to be away from him all day.” Well, I have no idea how you feel because I am an impersonal and non-maternal mother. I have no feelings and never miss my kids.
“I don’t know how you do it. It must be so hard.” It is. I don’t know how I do it. But I don’t think work is the problem because parenting is hard whether you stay at home or go off to the office. I don’t know how any of us do it. It’s glorious and rewarding and full of love and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
“You must be so organized to be able to balance everything.” I love this and hate it at the same time. I think I am organized and I do think I accomplish a lot during a week’s time. But I also know I am one parent teacher conference away from a full melt down (like all moms working inside or outside the home). Last week, Parker went to school and brought his toothbrush to show and tell. I have runs in my panty hose, and I never write thank you cards for my children’s birthday presents. I don’t exercise as often as I should and EVERY DAY something slides. There really is no “balance” just organized chaos. I am no different than anyone else.
“You look exhausted.” Wow, thanks! I feel even better now! Want to watch my kids this weekend so I can hit the spa, get a manicure, and sleep in? No? Then let’s not say this to a working mom.
“There’s always time to work later, these early years are so precious.” Why oh why is this NEVER said to fathers? I actually get many special moments with my kids. When Parker climbs into my bed and tells me “I am the best mommy in the whole world”, or when Emily smiles and says “I love you”, those are all special moments and I cherish them all.
“Aren’t you concerned about not being there for your kids?” Just because I am at work does not mean I am not “there” for my kids. Please get some perspective.
“I’m surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful.” Why would you assume that you know why I am working? Some women LIKE to work outside the home and I am sorry you are not one of them.
Here is what we SHOULD say:
The questions and words should not be filled with judgement but with support. After all, we are all mothers, we all adore our children and we all want what’s best for them. We are all doing what we have to do for our families and we are all different. So, let’s give each other support and understanding no matter if we stay home, work from home, work outside the home or somewhere in between.
The Journey, Part 2
Very common with Cleft Palate babies there can be an issue with a large amount of amniotic fluid build up as the baby has trouble swallowing the fluid and during one of my routine ultrasounds it is apparent that is what is happening in my case. The large amount of fluid is called Polyhydramnios. Polyhydramnios occurs in 1% of pregnancies. To give you an idea of how much extra fluid there is, at my 28 week checkup my belly was measuring 35 weeks. I knew I had gotten big quickly, but I had no idea how big I really am. What can happen is the weight of the fluid can push on my body causing it to think the baby is dropping and to start contracting very early and put me in labor. Of course as any mom to be would do I fear the risk that going into labor so early would have on the baby’s organs not being developed on top of the hurdles we are going to have to go through with the cleft. The best case would be that I will just be as big if not bigger than a woman having twins and continue to be monitored on a weekly basis.
I again feel so luck that I live in a time that we are well informed of what is happening to our babies in utero through the technology of ultrasounds and have access to medical devices that we will need if this baby comes premature. I can only sit and wait to see how my body will deal with the extra weight of the fluid and make my husband tackle that “Honey Do” list ASAP 🙂
Kid Gift Ideas
I know it is only November and I am already talking about holiday gift ideas, but every year I try to think of something new and different to gift my nieces and nephews and I saw this great idea of monthly gift boxes for kids. Every kid, young and old, loves to get mail and I love the idea of having something each month for your kid to look forward to. Sometimes as a mom it is nice to use technology and have someone help with great gift ideas.
Mashable did a great article on the Top 10 Kids Subscription Boxes to help you understand what options are out there: http://mashable.com/2012/05/22/subscription-boxes-kids-parents/
1. BabbaBox
BabbaBox offers crafts and activities. This model caters to kids from 3 to 6 year olds, and all materials are included to complete two or three projects. Themes vary each month. An example box is “gratitude.” Kids create a serving tray, handmade thank-you cards, and use a disposable camera to take photos of things they are thankful for. Hey, what parent couldn’t use a little more gratitude and a little less attitude in their life? ($29.99 a month, free shipping)
2. WittleBee
Eliminating those shopping experiences at the mall with a toddler makes Wittlebee worth its weight in gold. After completing a thorough “style profile” of your child’s personality, color likes, and clothing preferences, you are presented with a box of eight perfectly folded and adorable items that range from underwear to swimwear. Of all the subcoms featured in this listed, Wittlebee offers the most personalized touch. ($39.99 a month, free shipping)
3. bluum
Mom needs pampering just as much as baby does, and Bluum provides little samples of luxury for both. With the sheer number of products available on the market, Bluum gives users a chance to try before they buy with four to five little previews of everything from all-natural laundry detergent for baby clothes to skin care products for mom. Recent samples included StriVectin face serum, Aloe Baby Tender Defender detergent, Binky Spritz and Weleda Night Cream. ($11 a month, free shipping)
4. GiftLit
GiftLit is a fantastic subscription that gives the gift of reading with premium books that have been hand-picked by literary experts. You choose books for whatever age range you desire (from baby to adult) and receive a new book each month to add to the bookshelf. (Prices start at $24.95, shipping is additional)
5. The Honest Co.
If you want to go all-natural for your baby, The Honest Company delivers the best eco-friendly products to your door each month. You can choose from either the Diapers Bundle which includes non-toxic diapers and wipes; or the Family Essentials Bundle which contains items like shampoo, lotion, soap, detergent, sunscreen, and more. (Diapers run $79.95 a month; Family Essentials run $35.95 a month, shipping is additional)
6. Kiwi Crate
Need something to do on that rainy Sunday afternoon? Kiwi Crate provides creative arts and crafts activities for kids aged 3 to 7 years old. Each activity box follows a theme and includes all the necessary elements to create, experiment, and explore. Whether it’s making dinosaur feet or making a garden for your window, the activities put those little hands to work. Each box contains three. ($19.99 a month, free shipping)
7. Little Passports
Sam and Sofia guide kids, ages 5 to 10 years old, on global adventures in these world-traveling subscription boxes. Kids learn about new countries, cultures, histories, and languages. Everything they need for their journey is included in the kit, like maps, stickers, souvenirs, even a travel passport! (Prices start at $10.95/month, shipping additional)
8. petiteBox
Delivered in a beautiful box, the four to seven high-end samples inside are meant for moms-to-be, new moms and babies 1 to 12 months old. Whether it’s a little monkey ‘lovey’ blanket, organic baby food or a sample of calming oil, petiteBox provides both necessities and luxuries for mom and baby. ($25 a month, free shipping)
9. Spark Box
Spark Box aims to minimize play room clutter with its monthly delivery of age-appropriate toys. What sets it apart is that when kids tire of (or outgrow) toys, the toys are returned to Spark Box for a different set. Each box comes with four educational toys that you can keep for up to two months. And yes, the toys are completely sanitized between shipments. (Subscriptions start at $22.95 a month, free shipping)
10. Citrus Lane
Newborns love pretty packages, too. And they certainly get a handful of “best of” products when their Citrus Lane box arrives. There are four to five items in each package and can include things such as books, bath toys, baby lotion, and more. Each care package follows a certain theme like, “Dining Out” or “Bed and Bath-time Fun.” It’s perfect for kids up to 3 years old. ($25 a month, free shipping)
Don’t forget, it is the Miracle of Life
Women of my generation have grown up watching and reading stories of the perfect marriage and happily ever after tale where girl meets boy, they fall in love, get married and then have beautiful children, but these stories leave out that making a beautiful baby is truly a miracle of life and doesn’t just happen over night and doesnt happen when you want it to happen. This blog is not to be depressing for those women who are thinking about having a baby, but rather to remind us of all the things that have to happen when getting pregnant and to remind us we are not alone and there is hope if you are having challenges.
The CDC published statistics on fertility rates showing, 6% of married women are infertile, which is around 1.5 million women in the United States. It is truly ironic that we spend all these years trying not to get pregnant and then when we want to have a baby it seems an impossible task.
Once we are able to get pregnant, it is another miracle to stay pregnant as 1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, and this most often is nothing the mother did, it is just that things didn’t grow properly. The loss of a child is difficult even when the baby is just 12 weeks old, as I experienced with my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage of twins, but as most of you know I went on to have an amazing baby boy a year and half later.
Once we make it through that long 12 weeks waiting period before we tell our friends we are pregnant there are still 30 some weeks left for the baby to grow and develop, and unfortunately about 1 in 33 babies are born with a birth defect, the most common being Down Syndrome and the next being cleft lip.
Our baby will be one of those 33 that will be born with a birth defect and of course due to the nature of life, I will be blogging about my experience of having a baby with a birth defect to help other moms realize it is ok to not have the perfect “Pinterest” or “Gerber” baby and how we as society need to remind ourselves and our children that beauty is from within and the old “don’t judge a books by its cover” (because who would of thought a tie on the cover of Fifty Shades of Grey could mean so much 🙂
Having a baby is truly a miracle that we should never take it for granted!
@MagsMConnor
*Picture from Ann Geddes Collection of Photography
What are you craving?
Studies have shown that half of all pregnant women have some sort of cravings, so what are you craving? Are you craving the normal things that other pregnant women are?
40% of pregnant women crave something sweet, 33% crave something salty, 17% crave something spicy, the other 10% crave fruits, vegs, ect.
Some studies show that cravings may be a sign of something your body is missing, for example if you are craving for red meat, you might not be getting enough protein, or if you are craving FRYO you are not getting enough calcium.
Other studies say there is no link to cravings and what you bodies needs. Elizabeth Somer, author of Nutrition for a Healthy Pregnancy says “People think their cravings are significant, but studies show no link between cravings and nutritional requirements.” “If people craved what the body needs, we would all eat more broccoli and less chocolate.”
One my favorite wives tales during pregnancy is that the food you crave is associated with the gender of baby you are having. “They” say, and again no one knows who “they” are, but cravings for citrus, sweet, and spicy foods means girl, while garlic and salty foods mean boy. (stayed tuned for more wives tales in blogs to come)
I found the majority of my girl friends we are all craving some sort of cheese products; grilled cheese, bagels with cream cheese, mac and cheese. The weirdest thing I craved with my son was tomatoes, which may not seen weird but for a girl who doesn’t like tomatoes on a regular basis to wanting them at every meal, it was weird.
One study by FamilyEducation.com showed the following foods as the “10 Most Common Pregnancy Cravings”
1.Chocolate
2. Pickles
3. Eggs
4. Bacon
5. Lemons
6. Ice Cream
7. Fruit
8. Chili Peppers
9. Peanut Butter
10. Steak
So my non-medical advice, embrace the cravings Moms, cause who knows that ice cream every day is because you need the calcium 🙂
*Picture Provided by Huggies.com
My Love/Hate Relationship with Daycare
Any mom who has had a child in day care for over a year knows the feeling of a love/hate relationship with day care. We love it because it is an amazing/safe place for our children to be while we are at work, where they can socialize with other children and other adults and learn songs we have never even heard of.
Even as early as 6 months, babies can interact with other children. According to Parents Magazine “Children may single out another baby who appeals to them and smile back and forth, almost as if the other child is a favorite toy. Babies begin to understand the concept of interaction — the idea that you do this, I do that, you do this, I do that.”
Studies have shown that children who attend a pre-school are much more prepared for kindergarten and create good learning habits and positive self-esteem.”There’s increasing evidence that children gain a lot from going to preschool,” says Parents advisor Kathleen McCartney, PhD, dean of Harvard Graduate School of Education, in Cambridge, Massachusetts. “At preschool, they become exposed to numbers, letters, and shapes. And, more important, they learn how to socialize — get along with other children, share, contribute to circle time.”Statistics show that a majority of kids attend at least one year of preschool: According to the National Institute for Early Education Research (NIEER), more than two-thirds of 4-year-olds and more than 40 percent of 3-year-olds were enrolled in a preschool in 2005. “Children who attend high-quality preschool enter kindergarten with better pre-reading skills, richer vocabularies, and stronger basic math skills than those who do not,” says NIEER director W. Steven Barnett, PhD.
So you ask what is the hate part of the relationship, well when your child has had every cold, virus, ear infection from the germs at daycare it is a hard one to swallow. You will get a call that another child has bitten your child or hit your child with a toy across the face, but I guess that is what the expects are saying about early social interaction. The daycare sends home a daily note with naps, activities and eating/diaper schedule, and I have no idea how they get my son to nap from 12:40-2:40 every day as he needs a power nap at 10:00 and 1 hour nap at 1:00 on the weekends, can we really trust those sheets? Is my 13 month old really doing art and doing science? I always get nervous when another kids cups and spoons are sent home with my son, are they just sharing germs more than we think? Overall, I have been very happy and lucky with our daycare, but it is hard as a mom not to criticize when you are paying a second mortgage for your child to be at the school and as moms it is hard to think anyone can do it better than you.
The Harmful Digital Footprint for Our Children
Most of us are guilty of posting pictures of our children on Facebook and Instagram, and how could you resist they are too cute not to share? Most of us have moved away from friends and family and the best way to share pictures of our children are through these social media sites, but do we really know the harm we are causing by posting pictures of our children?
I dont think we know the impact these photos could have on our kids future, as they are the first generation growing up in the digital age. As we all know teenage years are the worst, and will some bully search and find pictures of our children in the bath tub that we posted on Facebook 10 years prior and use them to tease our children? Will these pictures be researched by colleges or prep-schools?
I dont know these answers, and it may sound a bit paranoid, but the question must be asked, What impact will the digital footprint we are leaving have on our children’s future?
As someone in the IT world there are so many ways that hackers and companies can use facial recognition for whatever means they choose and could be use to target our children.
Again, I am a parent that shares pictures of my children via Facebook because I have relatives all over the country and it is so easy to share pictures with them, but I think as parents we should stop and think before we post silly and any nude pictures of our children on social media.
As are children get older and they have their own Facebook pages or whatever the new Facebook will be at that time, it is our jobs as parents to explain the impact these photos could have on college acceptance or job applications. I know that my company immediately looks at a candidate Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin pages to gain insight into who they really are.
Lets remember that it isnt about us and what we think is cute, it should be about our children and their future.
The Mommy Wars
To follow up on my post about the very difficult decision that moms have to make about staying at home or going back to work, I recently read an article in Parents Magazine regarding the tension between stay at home moms vs. the work-outside-the-home mom.
According to a poll of 500 moms across the US done by Parents Magazine, 63% of mothers believe the mommy war exists. 31% of Stay at Home Moms (SAHM) said they had been criticized for their choice to be at home vs. 23% of working outside the home moms (WOHM) felt they had been criticized. Each side feels that they work harder than the other, according to the article, and “wish” they could be in the others shoes.
The battle of SAMHMs and WOHMs was resurrected when Marissa Mayer revoked work from home privileges at Yahoo, but ladies, come on, this is not a war. It is a clear misunderstanding of the work that the other has to put in and a feeling of the grass is greener on the other-side. I have received this same type of criticism as a mom that works from home. Other moms have commented on how much around the house they could get done if they work from home and how great I have it, well I hate to burst the bubble, but I MAYBE get in a load of laundry while I am on a conference call, but other than that I am at a sad desk just like you are in the office.
At the end of the day we have more in common than not and we can all agree that being a mom is the best and hardest job, our husbands just don’t understand and we all deserve a full time cook and maid. 🙂
Maggie's Memos 