Why Going To Frat Parties in College Makes You A Better Mom?

Ok, I know the title of this post is a stretch, but hear me out….Remember those nights in college when your girlfriend had too much to drink at a frat party and you were responsible for getting her home, but she is crying for no reason, wouldn’t keep her jacket or shoes on, one minute wants bacon the next wants Pop Tarts…. well ladies and gentlemen that is a Toddler!!!!

Patience is the most important quality of a mom. I NEVER considered myself a patient person, yes I know a character flaw, but we can’t be perfect, but I learned patience when I had toddlers. I was lucky to have two boys 18 months apart so I experience back to back years of two year old blues. The random shouting, like frat dudes do, random food craving; one day they wanted strawberries only for breakfast the next strawberries were the worst thing in the world. The mood swings from being so happy to crying on the floor because we only had one box of gold fish left.

We need patience when dealing with drunk friends after frat parties and when we stepped into motherhood of toddlers, PATIENCE is what we can’t get enough off, oh and coffee of course, can never have too much coffee!

 

To Work or Not to Work…Round 2

Do I go back to work? When is the “right” time? Am I ready? Are my kids ready? What do I want to get out of going back to work?

These, and many, many, more, were the questions I was asking myself on a daily basis. Colton had finished his surgeries for now, next one will be when he is 5 years old,  we had settled in to our new home and I thought “now what?!”

I am going to be brutally honest, judge me all you want, in answering the questions above about why I decided  to go back to work. I want to share my journey in hope to inspire a mom who wants to go back to work, but feels like they cant do it because you have been out of the game for too long… Ladies its like riding a bike, just hop on and pedal!!!

What did I want to get out of work?  It was pretty simple to me, I wanted to make money again. Being a proud feminist, I had a very hard time not contributing to the household income. I was very lucky that my husbands income could support us both, but I had a very hard time with it.  I was in sales when I left worked, making great money and loving my company and my job. I was good at my job and had worked really hard to get to where I was. I missed the competitive edge of sales, I missed the commission checks and seeing the fruit of my labor. BUT was I willing to give up my time with my boys for all of that?

The Gains: When I say I wanted to make money again, what I gained was contributing to my 401K and building up retirement so one day the Big Dog and I could sip coffee on the porch of our log cabin. I could contribute to the boys 529, which was a BIG one for me. I knew that with the money I could be making, I could be putting away money for the boys to go to whatever college they wanted and more than ANY Christmas or Birthday gifts, this was the best gift Mom could give them. I could get that feeling back after I closed a big deal and saw all my hard work pay off at work, interact with coworkers, have the ability to go to the bathroom with no one asking me to open a yogurt :0).

The Losses: I LOVED being with my boys and I had made some life long friends who were also stay at home moms, and I knew that I was going to miss all the adventures we had together, the rainy day snuggles, being there for all of their milestones. I will be honest, days were not always Pinterest activities and happiness. Days were long when no one was listening and I was cleaning up all DAY LONG.I would call them my “half projects” I had so many projects I could only half finish because someone was sick or woke up from a nap, or had mom duties to do and had to stop doing my projects.

No one would argue that I have always put my boys first, but I felt in my heart that I needed to make myself a priority and go back to where I had worked so hard to get to and that was IT sales, oh yeah one small issue, now that I wanted to go back to work, I had to find a job…

I’m Back!!!

I have made a decision to bring my “mom” blog back online! It was actually a dad, who asked me why I don’t write my blog anymore, as he was looking to start his own DAD BLOG and wanted some advice. I gave him the excuses we all use; too busy, too tired, not enough time in the day, I have nothing to say,  and I didn’t think people read it. Well I am back and I am back with something to say, or so I feel I DO :).

I started this blog when I was exploring the impact of social media and blogging, in the technology world. Then when my world was rocked by the birth of my Cleft Baby, I knew I had a message I wanted to get out around what it was to have a cleft baby and share our story. My life has changed so much since I left work in 2014 and took 2 years off to focus on my boys. I have now been back to work for over a year and feel that I have a whole new perspective as a working mom. I feel rather lucky to say that I was a stay at home mom turned working mom. I can relate to ALL MOMs and the hardship we deal with staying at home or rushing out the door to sit in traffic to get to work.

So my technology, cleft mom, stay at home mom blog is now going to be my story of going back to work and the differences for me (JUST ME, I don’t claim to represent all working moms or all stay at homes moms) from being a full time mom, to being a full time working mom in corporate America.

I hope you follow along as I write about my new chapter in life, as a WM (Workin’ Mama)!

 

365 Days That Have Changed Me… Forever

As I tie the last ribbon for the insane Pinterest idea I saw for Colton’s Wild West theme party, I just shake my head that he is a year old. So many people say “wow that flew by,” but for me, it feels like yesterday I was weighing Colton every day and praying that he was gaining just half an ounce, taking deep breaths as I tried to feed him in the middle of the night, but he just wouldn’t take the bottle, or saying so many times “we can do this Colton, we can get this last ounce of milk down.” I remember counting down the surgeries and telling myself we only have 3 more to go, if we got through this last one we can get through the next one and saying it’s just two nights in the hospital I can do that.
Those nights in the hospital took years off my life, sitting up all night wanting to help the nurses in any way and just wanting him to eat, knowing it would make him feel so much better. After the last and hardest surgery, I remember just watching his vital signs all night long and just touching him praying his oxygen levels would increase.
The fear I felt walking through Target thinking people we staring and judging my baby for the way he looked, or waking up in the middle of the night after a horrible dream of kids bullying Colton at school. These fears and dreams still happen but much less than they did last year. Colton has come so far with so much help from so many people. His journey is not over and there are many more surgeries to go, as well as a lot of speech and physical therapy to get him back on track, but I look at him today and see nothing but a perfect baby.
As parents we want the very best for our children, our children to be perfect, to be 100% in weight and height at every checkup, we want them to crawl and walk before their peers do, as we somehow feel that it means they are better than other children or that we are amazing parents. A lesson we can all learn from Colton is none of that means anything if our children, or us as adults, don’t see the beauty thats on the inside or have the understanding that every baby has traveled its own difficult journey to get where they are and no one should ever judge a child. Milestones mean so much more than a check in a box at the doctors, meeting a milestone has a whole knew meaning when you have watch your child struggle to breath or eat and the thought of him sitting up or crawling seems lightyears away. I am so proud of my 1 year old who is the crawling around, eating on his own, and drinking from a regular toddler cup and I wouldn’t trade these past 365 days for anything, as I am better mom, wife, and friend because of it.

10 Books a 2 Year Old Boy Will Actually Listen To

Every Tuesday we go to the library and ask the librarian for any book suggestions for my 2 year old son. We have read plane, train, truck, animal and many other types of books. After many books have traveled to and from our house, I have put together a list of books that my son will actually sit still and listen to. There are many books he will listen for the first 2 pages, but these he will sit through the whole time!! I am sure girls would also enjoy many books on this list.

1. Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site by Sherri Duskey Rinker

2. Freight Train by Donald Crews

3. Trashy Town by Andrea Zimmerman and David Clemesha

4. Pete the Cat The Wheels on the Bus by James Dean

5. Sheep in a Jeep by Nancy Shaw

6. Click Clack Moo Cows That Type by Doreen Cronin

7. Goodnight Baseball by Michael Dahl

8.Little Blue Truck by Alice Schertle

9. Chugga-Chugga Choo-Choo by Kevin Lewis

10. Little People Welcome to Our Town

Things I should have registered for…

After having two boys 18 months apart, and my youngest about to turn one, I was thinking about all the things I got at my baby shower that I never used and the things I use all the time that I wish I would have registered for. So to help you future moms, here is a list of 8 things I wish I would have registered for, but didn’t. I am sure you are asking why 8, because I only had time to write 8 things before the kids woke up from their naps :).

1. A blow up pool- I use our blow up pool year round and it has saved me on snowy days and 100 degree days. The pool has been turned into a ball pit, pillow pit, fort, play area for the baby, water play area for winter days, and of course a must on hot days outside.
2. Air Compressor- Of course someone has to blow up balls, flat tires on the jogging stroller, and our pool. My husbands air compressor has saved me so much time with screaming kids wanting to swim and it taking 2 minutes to have a pool ready.
3. An unlimited supply of batteries ( all sizes)- toys needs batteries and you go through them so fast.
4. A good tool set- somedays I feel like Handy Mandy fixing all the broken toys, play sets, and whatever else they can destroy and having a good tool set has saved me so many times.
5. Power Drill- Outside of the tool set, a power drill is a must for when people give you the most insane gifts for Christmas or birthday’s and they have 100 step instructions with 345 screw’s, a power drill is a savor.
6. Amazon gift cards- I buy an insane amount of things from diaper cream to paint for toddler activities, and I wish I had gift cards for these purchases.
7. Art Supplies- Babies quickly turn into toddlers who need to be entertainment and having washable paint, pipe cleaners, let, foam boards are staples for our everyday activities
8. Rhapsody Membership- at any given moment my toddler could shot, “Mom put on Muffin Man” and having the ability to pull up any song for them to sing or songs to go with what they learning is so great. Rhapsody lets you listen to any song out there and it has saved us on long road trips.

Bottle Feeding for Your Cleft Baby

Can you imagine not having a lip or the roof of your mouth and trying to eat? Well that is what our cleft babies are faced with. I am never one to sugar coat things, so I would be lying to you if I didn’t say Colton’s first 2 months of his life were the most challenging of mine. Its ok to be jealous of other moms who are able to breast-feed and you can sit and relax while feeding their baby, while every feed feels so difficult and a workout for the two of you. I remember asking myself, “Why is everything have to be so hard for us?” I would sit and watch my girlfriends surf Facebook with their free hand, while feeding their babies, while I had to listen carefully to Colton’s breathing and swallowing to ensure that I was squeezing the milk and not choking him. I remember thinking that I wish Colton was my first, because I wouldn’t have known how easy it was to breast feed my oldest. It is challenging, but not impossible and there are some great tricks that made a huge difference for us.
As I mentioned before, Colton struggled for a long time to gain weight, he was burning more calories eating then he was getting. From day one we were told by the Cleft team from Boston Children’s to use the Heberman Bottle, so I can only speak to my experience with that bottle, but I am aware there are many other ways to feed a cleft baby. The Heberman bottle allows me to squeeze the milk into his mouth, as they are unable to suck milk themselves. One of the challenges is getting in a rhythm with the baby where when they are swallowing the milk, you are not squeezing more milk, as this can make them cough, choke, and unable to properly swallow. It only takes time and experience to be able to listen to your baby and hear them “suck, swallow, breath” and get in a good rhythm.
In the beginning, Colton was getting so much air when he drank he would get too full or have a bubble that wouldn’t allow him to drink more milk. After multiple phone calls and emails to the cleft nurse at Boston Children’s, I learned that simple tricks of sitting him upright when feeding helped with the air and placing one of your fingers under their chin when feeding, gives them more support to swallow better. Gently pushing your pinkie finger up under their chin allows the tongue to not have to work as hard and take in the milk with using fewer calories. Who would have know that the tongue could burn so many calories, but the chin support made a world of difference, as he started to gain weight when we added this technique.
We went to our pediatricians every 4 days to weight him and had to move up to a 24-calorie diet, which at the time I didn’t even know was possible! Regular breast milk and formula are about 20 calories per ounce, and if you add a small amount of formula to the breast milk you are able to increase the calories, but of course it has to be a regulated as it can also effect their digestive system, but there are many options to try before a baby needs to be placed on a feeding tube.
Even with chin support and sitting upright, your baby will still swallow so much air, and burping them is very important. You will feel like half of your day is spent burping, but it will only make them more comfortable and want to eat more. There were feeds that he would not burp and just scream or would just fall right asleep when I started to burp him, when he needed more ounces. I would start to get frustrated and in order to distract myself from the feeling of defeat or frustration; I started to play audio books on my phone. I missed reading and had no energy to pick up a book anymore, but also because in those heated moments of wanting to just give up, I would re-direct my attention to the audio book and keep burping. The other helpful hint I learned when he would start to fall asleep when I burped him and he needed to eat more was babies like to be tapped, but when you would rub their backs in a circle motion, it helps get the air up, but not put them to sleep with the tapping. It seemed to keep him awake to get those few extra ounces in, which are so important for little guys.
I can’t help but smile when writing this post, as Colton is now 21 pounds, is 83% for weight and 90% for height, he is 7 months old and in 18 month clothes, so ladies there is hope, don’t give up, and don’t be afraid to ask “what else could I be doing?”

What does it REALLY mean to be a cleft mom?!

Any mom will tell you that your life is changed the moment you find out our pregnant, but for me, life got a bit more complicated when I discovered that my second child was going to be born with a unilateral complete cleft lip and palate. My first reaction was to just sit and cry and think about what I did and didn’t eat or do to cause this. As I slowly came out of the fog of the news of the cleft, I began to research and devote myself to understand what a cleft was and what was in store for our family. I started with Google, WebMD and then started reading blogs from other cleft moms. I found great information about the surgeries and what they would entail, as well as pre and post operation photos. I felt ready to take on this journey, but found myself unprepared for the post op care and recovery as well as daily routines of having a cleft baby that I did not face with my first son.

I hope that these next blog posts, as there is WAY too much information for just one post, will help other moms in preparation, as well as, learn from my mistakes that I have made over the past 7 months. There are so many things I wish I had known to help make life just a bit easier.

1. Decisions, decisions, decisions
There are so many decision’s that you will have to make as a mom, and your first decision is where will I deliver this baby? But as a cleft mom, you also need to think about where will your baby be having all of his surgeries? Part of the extensive research we did after we were told about the cleft, was researching the plastic surgeons in this field. I have to really credit my husband, as he spent multiple late nights reading article after article on cleft lip and palate teams, and we kept reading about the team up at Boston Children’s and specifically Dr. Mulliken. After much debate, we decided that we were going to make the 6 hour drive from PA to Boston Children’s Hospital for Colton’s surgeries to ensure he was getting the best care possible, this turned out to be the best decision we made. We met with the cleft team, as well as had a MRI to understand the severity of the cleft. They introduced us to the Heberman bottle, which is a special designed bottle for children with feeding challenges, and were told this was the only bottle our doctor wanted us to use, so we did what all parents would do… ordered 20 of them on Amazon :). The nurses kept telling me that I would have to become the cleft expert and I would know more about feeding him then the doctors at the hospital I would be delivering at, which I didn’t believe but it turned out to be very true.
This is the first mistake that I will admit I made, I decided to have Colton at hospital my OBGYN was associated with, which was a large hospital and had a great reputation, but had limited cleft experience. From the moment he was born, the nursing staff insisted he be put on a feeding tube. Now to set the stage, Colton was c-sectioned because they worried he was going to be over 10lbs. He was born 9.4lbs and 21 inches long; he was a big enough boy that I knew he would eat if they would give me the opportunity to understand how to work the special Haberman bottle. I was very insistent that Colton and I just needed time, and wouldn’t you know it, he started feeding and was taking the milk I was pumping plus the formula they insisted he needed to gain weight. For those who don’t know, babies who are born with a complete cleft lip and palate can not breast feed, as they do not have the ability to suck, so from the start we have twice as much work as we have to pump and then feed, and any mom would agree PUMPING SUCKS! We were able to leave the hospital with no feeding tube and Colton was able to come home with us, but the first week was horrible. He wasn’t eating, he was up all night crying and I knew something wasn’t right. I called the cleft nurse at Boston Children’s and we decided I would make the first of many trips up to see them and discuss feedings. After 30 minutes with the team and learning some very important tips, which I will explain in more detail in the Feeding section, Colton was a new baby and feedings became more enjoyable for both of us. I later learned that the cleft nurse at Boston Children’s goes to the hospitals nearby and meets cleft babies and help mothers with their first feedings and to understand the workings of the bottle. This would have been a HUGE help for all of us. I wish that I had that resource available to me as it could have saved us many hard nights and many important calories were lost in understanding the bottle.

Next Topic… Bottle Feeding

Dear Colton…

Dear Colton,
What a crazy 2 weeks it has been since you were born. I had so much anxiety of your arrival, were there going to be other complications besides the cleft lip and palate? how bad was it going to be? I was overwhelmed with emotions that you literally took my breath away and gave daddy and the doctors a scare, but I was so relieved that you were here and you were a healthy boy. From the moment I held you, I knew that you and I were going to get through anything together.
A week after your were born, we made the trip to Boston to meet the best Cleft team at Boston Children Hospital. We established a plan of multiple surgeries to correct both the lip and palate before your first birthday, starting April 1st to implant a mold into your gums to bring the gum line back together and then 6 weeks after that you will have your first surgery to correct your nose and to bring the lip together.
We have been struggling to keep your weight up, but you will soon learn that your Mom and Dad will tackle any complication or issue head on and will fight for you.
This year will be the hardest year of your and my life, but I know that we can do this! We will use the strength of your dad, the laughter of your brother, and the brute force of Oakley, your Mastiff buddy, to get us through this year.
Love,
Mama Bear

Life’s Losses

In 2010, I started what I consider my second chapter in my life journey, as I married my soulmate and best friend. We had no idea that our first year of marriage would test our love and emotional strength in one another, with being faced with what one can call, a year of losses.
They say your first year of marriage is the best year as you are in the honeymoon stage so happy to be Mr. and Mrs. Our marriage started off with an amazing wedding in the mountains of Colorado followed by a honeymoon to Whistler Canada where we did what honeymooners are suppose to do, we got pregnant. We were more than thrilled as we were both ready to be parents. We couldn’t believe how easy it was and how we talked about wanting to have a honeymoon baby, well any family knows it is not that easy. At our 16 week ultrasound we discovered that the babies, yes twins, had stopped growing at 14 weeks and we were devastated.
That same spring we were made aware that my mothers cancer had spread to her lungs and the options were limited on what they could do. She made it very clear to us that she wanted to spend her last summer out of the hospital and enjoying the sun in beautiful Vail, Colorado.
When we thought things couldn’t get any worse, we knew something was happening to my father as his personality, speech and physical mobility were changing. After many doctor appointments of getting less than sufficient answers were were told he had dementia and it was either Alzheimers or FTD, frontotemporal dementia.
The name of the disease didn’t matter to me, what mattered was my 57 year old father who had just qualified and completed the Boston marathon a year prior was struggling to walk, have any empathy towards the women he was happily married for 30 plus years who was dying of cancer, and he was turning into a man I didn’t know.
As the baby boomer generation turns the corner into their older age, I know I am not alone in young adults who will have to start caring for our parents while we are starting our own families. Battling dementia, as I will refer to it because we still don’t have a clear understanding from doctors on what my father has, the first frustrating hurdle you will face with this disease, has been a harder journey than watching my mother sit through CHEMO and Radiation. With a diagnosis of cancer, doctors can give you a clear understanding of what your options are for treatment, with dementia there is not much you can do what sit and watch your loved one as the disease progresses.

Dementia will test your patience to no end and will force you to deal with things you never thought you would have to with your own kids let alone your parent. I am lucky that I have had my sister to lean on each other through this as we had to take away all independence from our father as he was ordering hundreds of dollars of things off the internet that he couldn’t remember why he ordered them, hiring a caregiver as he became unable to operate a car and would decide on a whim to walk 10 miles to the library in the winter for a book, sending inappropriate emails to our mothers girlfriends, calling his daughters to help him find a women to have sex with, firing a care giver after my dad called the cops and told them the car giver was mis treating him, which turned out to be a lie my dad made up, while we are grieving with the loss of our mother.

No one will understand what its like to have to manage your parents life for them and have phone calls of your dad yelling at you for no reason other than he can’t remember where his glasses are and you last moved them, even though you live 1,000 miles away. Friends and family have been very supportive and helpful, but it is very interesting how the mind works, that my dad can put on a show when people visit him for an hour, but then he will almost crash from the exhaustion for using his brain at such a high level and we see the downfall and have to deal with the uncontrolled emotions after they leave, but in their minds, he is “doing great.”

This post is not to gain sympathy, but to help anyone who is having to deal with this horrible disease that strips away all you have loved and cared for in your parent.
You are not alone and venting and sharing some one the insane things we have had to deal with only helps us all, because there are times you just have to laugh or else there is no way you could survive this disease.